When did we start potty-training?

A week after our daughter turned 2, I started to introduce her to the potty.

However, we didn't push through with the "full-blown" potty training until she was 2 years and 6 months old.

What potties did we use?

We had the same exact potty like the photo below, yet the magical flushing sound didn't work because it was a hand-me-down from my sister.

We also have a cushioned potty seat like the one below so that we can provide two options for our daughter to choose. I use the positive discipline method of providing limited choices for our toddler.

Most of the time, in the beginning, she'd choose the pink potty chair over the cushioned potty seat. But as of this writing, she has no problem using both.

Assessing our toddler's readiness for potty training

We took things slowly. I let her pee in her potty every morning, but the rest of the day, she was in diapers.

She still couldn't pull down her pants, and in my instinct, I felt that she wasn't ready yet.

So I didn't force her.

We continued this routine for nearly six months before I felt that she was ready for a more "intensive" potty training session.

Of course, it also helped that she sees how I pee.

How did I know our toddler was ready for potty training?

• She had fewer wet diapers at night.
• She stays dry for around 2 hours during the day.
• She shows interest in my toilet "rituals," making comments like, "Mommy remove panty!" or "Mommy wiwi!" or "Mommy pooping!"
• She actually tells me when she's peeing or pooping herself, and then asks me to change her diapers

Our potty training method

Every child is different, so there really is no cookie-cutter approach when it comes to potty training. 

But perhaps to help you and give you an idea, here's how we did it:

1. Gradually introducing her to the potty

Take time for training. Potty training is a huge milestone for a child, so it's best to introduce it gradually.

The gradual introduction included:

• Letting her know what a potty is and how it is used
• Showing her how I pee
• Letting her use her own potty at least once a day
• Teaching her how to undress herself
• Reading her a book about potty training. We used Caroline Jayne Church's Potty Time!

2. Letting her know in advance that she will be wearing underwear 

I find it respectful to let her know in advance what to expect. For example:

"K, this morning, you won't be wearing diapers. You will be wearing panties instead. This means you can't pee in your panty. And then what do we do when you need to pee?"

And then she will answer, "Go potty!"

3. Gradually "weaning off" from diapers

On the first day, I let her wear panties for the whole morning, and then diapers in the afternoon and at night.

I opted to do this so as to make the transition more bearable for her.

Expect a lot of mess, but be patient—the accidents will lessen as she learns that she can no longer use her diapers.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

On the second day, I let her wear panties the whole morning, plus 2 hours in the afternoon.

On the third, fourth, and fifth day, I increased hours of wearing panties in 2-hour increments. At night, I still let her wear diapers.

This went on for about seven days, until she surprised me that she could stay dry on her panties for longer and then promptly peed on the potty when she needed to go!

4. Making up our own "potty song"

I tried to make potty training fun and a bonding experience for both of us.

So I made up a simple song that we sing whenever she goes potty—simple enough so that our toddler could sing it with me!

Ours was like this (the tune, I made it up as well):

Wiwi, wiwi, wiwi baby girl 

(exchange with poopoo if she does #2)

Potty, potty, potty baby girl

Ang among baby nag wiwi sa potty! 

(Translates to: "Our baby is peeing in her potty!")

5. Set routine; set alarms

This was something I learned from an online mom group: setting an alarm so that I myself won't forget!

My method was that I set an alarm every 2 hours (the maximum time that I observed she can stay dry), and the ringtone was a recording of me saying:

"K, wiwi or poopoo potty please!"

By the fourth or fifth day, our daughter was able to anticipate this and it became part of our routine—by then, I stopped using the alarm.

She was also able to pee regularly as needed on the seventh day and beyond!

It's important to set a routine when potty training. How you do yours is all up to you and your toddler.

6. Night-time potty training

In all honesty, I wasn't confident enough to let her wear panties when she's asleep. 

I let her wear pull-up diapers for around three or five months after she was fully potty-trained (daytime).

However, all throughout that duration, K stayed dry! 

The only times when she would accidentally pee while sleeping was when she overslept after staying up so late, overtired.

I realized that K was also potty-trained at night at the same time she was potty-trained during daytime—I just didn't trust her enough, but here we are!

Things we did NOT do:

• Sticker chart or rewards—Verbal encouragement and our sing-along during potty time were enough for our toddler to be happy.
• Regular waking up at night for night-time potty training—As I mentioned, we just let her sleep through the night in her pull-up diapers, with the pink potty chair inside our room. But then, she stayed dry overnight nearly all the time!

____

And that's about it—how our toddler was potty-trained at 2 years and 6 months old! :)

Again, every child is different. Some even don't reach this milestone until they're around 3 or 4. Don't worry! Children will learn in their own time.

Potty training is a major milestone but often considered as one of the most challenging parts of early parenting.

I have read countless online comments from moms—both first-time parents and veteran ones—about the long and difficult process of potty training.

There's also the years-long challenge of overcoming bedwetting.

However, every kid is different. Some take a lot of time to potty train, while others seem to be a natural at it.

If you're in the trenches of potty training, here are some tips for stress-free potty training:

1. Wait and let your child's readiness lead

A child's ability to be potty trained is highly dependent on his/her readiness, both on the cognitive and physical level.

Parenting experts say that while it's considered developmentally "appropriate" to expect 18- to 24-month-olds to be potty trained, some children are not ready yet until they are 3 or 4 years old.

And if you have a boy, it's more expected that they get ready later than girls do.

So if it seems that your toddler isn't interested in potty training yet, the best course of action is to wait and let your child's readiness lead.

2. Know the signs of potty training readiness

More often than not, you may be misled by online articles and books claiming that if you use their same exact methods, you can potty-train your child in just a few days.

However, that's not always the case. If you introduce potty training prematurely, the chances of success are slim.

Knowing the signs of potty training readiness can give you a good idea whether it's the right time for your toddler to be potty trained.

Some of these are the following:

• Able to maintain being "dry" for at least 2 hours or during nap times.
• Can walk and/or run steadily.
• Can pull his/her pants down and/or up.
• Can sit down patiently in one place for 5 minutes.
• Is curious about your bathroom habits.
• Can become uncomfortable when his/her diapers are dirty.
• Can follow simple instructions.
• Can verbalize when he/she needs to go.

3. Encourage, encourage, encourage

Encouragement goes a long way when you're training your toddler—be it for potty training or many other developmental milestones.

Praise is just not enough, such as "Good job!"

Be specific in what you find delightful. For example, "Wow, you were able to pee in the potty just in time!"

And whenever there are accidents—and there will be many—stay calm and unruffled, and really mean it.

It's best not to redirect the child. You need to acknowledge his/her accident yet still encourage the toddler.

For example, "Oopsy! You peed in your underwear, and now you're upset that you're dirty. But you did a good job in letting me know that you're peeing! Let's try to pee in the potty next time!"

Or sometimes, a simple "Oh, darling. That's okay. Thank you for trying!" worked really well for us.

4. Read them books, sing them songs

I'm a huge fan of using picture books and songs to teach my toddler.

It's also a fun way to teach children and effective tools in helping them recall the lesson better.

Here are some of the books and songs/videos I used to help K during our potty training:

"Potty Time!" by Caroline Jayne Church

I love how simple and fun this book is, with its short and cute sentences that rhyme, and the "Flush me!" button.

There's also a book reading video of Potty Time! here:

Potty Training Song - Cocomelon

What parent has never heard of Cocomelon? Our toddler loves this particular video

However, when we potty trained, I made up a special potty training song for my toddler that's simple enough so that she can also sing along with me while she peed/pooped.

5. Be gentle; let go of perfection

Lastly, be gentle and kind, both to your toddler and to yourself. Let go of the vision of perfection.

Remember, if your toddler hasn't been potty-trained yet, it's highly likely that he/she isn't ready.

No one keeps a record of your parenting wins, and there surely is no competition on who the best parent is in the world.

I know it's easier said than done. But here's one thing that helped me whenever I try to teach my daughter something:

In a previous post, I shared to you how our toddler was quickly potty-trained. If you'd like to know how we did it, head on to this post: How Our Toddler Was Potty-Trained at 2.6 Years Old

But one thing I learned the hard way is that a parent's mental health matters, far more than we realize. It's actually one of the many reasons that we decided to be an only-child family.

The Guilt When You Put Yourself First

Photo by Luma Pimentel on Unsplash

The Struggles of Being a First-Time Parent

Everybody will agree on this: being a first-time parent is hard.

And it's especially true during the newborn stage when your little bundle of joy turns out to be a little energy vampire who wakes up at the most inconvenient time.

The first three months when our daughter was born is still a blur to me—I can't remember much of it except for my husband and I being so perpetually exhausted and sleep-deprived.

Praise all the saints that when our daughter was 3.5 months old, she started sleeping through the night—or at least for around 4 hours straight before she cried and asked to be fed or held.

Our daughter is relatively an "easy" baby: She isn't colicky, she breastfeeds well, she sleeps through most nights, and is generally undemanding. 

My pregnancy was rather uneventful too (save for eight whole months of whole-day "morning" sickness), and I had a quick delivery (just one push!).

That's one of the reasons why I feel guilty about being one and done: I had it easy, while some others had it worse, but I chose to stop at one. Am I a bad mother for not wanting more children?

However, things were not always that easy. During pregnancy, I suffered from prenatal depression, to the point that there was not a day that I did not consider suicide.

I did not seek help, and this carried on for months and months.

Deciding to become a stay-at-home mom didn't make things better for me either. The loneliness and monotony of staying home 24/7 was just too much for me to handle, that most of the time, I was grumpy and easily stressed out. 

What made it worse was that I kept on thinking, "How the hell will I survive if we had a second child, or more?"

Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

Deciding to Be One and Done

All the while, I felt guilty because our daughter couldn't get the best parts of me because the dark cloud of depression and the anxiety of planning for a second child was plaguing me. 

My mental health was going down the drain, until one day, I said to my husband in a fit of distress:

"I don't want a second child! I'm done!"

Then he said, "It's all right. I'm fine with just one."

All the while I was wallowing in my sorrow, I didn't even stop to think about my husband's mental health.

He was emotionally and physically drained too, and I didn't pay attention. If we hadn't opened up to each other that time, our marriage would have been inadvertently affected as well.

After a long talk and months of being on the fence, we decided that having an only child was best for all of us:

• We can dedicate all our love, attention, and energy to our daughter.
• We can have more time on our hands to fit in travel, mental health days, and simple family bonding activities, without stressing over finances and childcare.
• We can have more money to save for our daughter's tuition fees and all her needs, as well as our retirement, mortgage, car, business plans, etc.
• And most importantly, we can be happier and better parents for our daughter because we have more time to take care of our mental health.

Photo by Jeniffer Araújo on Unsplash

Happy Parent, Happy Child

When we finally became more confident with our decision to be one and done, I also found it easier to deal with the stresses of parenthood.

I stopped putting too much pressure on myself because I didn't have to worry about preparing for a second baby. 

I coped with my depression better because I started to see the world more clearly, now that the dark cloud is slowly going away. 

Our house felt a lot like home because the tension between our marriage is gone, and this also meant a happier environment for our daughter to grow up in.

I worried less and enjoyed motherhood more: every smile, every laughter, and every moment was precious because our daughter will be our first and last. 

It's bittersweet, but it's also freeing. Indeed, a happy parent equals a happy child. 

The Bottom Line

So is it selfish to stop at one child to be happier and less stressed? Are we bad parents for putting our mental health first? 

The answer is definitely NO.

As a parent of an only child, finding support is few and far between. It seems everyone around you is a parent of two or more children.

And while there might be some who are supportive of your decision (or if the decision was made for you), there's nothing like connecting with other only child parents—those who totally get you.

Luckily, there are several support groups you can find online, particularly on Facebook and Reddit.

Here are some of the best Facebook Groups and subreddits where parents of an only child can get support.

Facebook

One and Done: Parents of an Only Child by Choice

Parents of Only Children by Choice

One and Done on the Fence

1. Riley from Inside Out